Difficult conversations at work

Managers rarely lack information about what to say. They lack reps. Difficult conversations - feedback, conflict, boundaries, bad news - go wrong when they are rushed, vague, or treated as one-way announcements.

Why it matters

Employees remember how a conversation felt long after they forget the exact words. A clumsy ten-minute talk can undo months of trust. Practising aloud helps you notice hedging, blame language, and missing empathy before a real person hears it.

Common mistakes

• Saving the real message for the last thirty seconds
• Stacking unrelated issues into one ambush meeting
• Leading with judgment instead of observable facts
• Asking closed questions that shut down dialogue

A practical approach

1. Name the purpose in one sentence

   Before you speak, finish: “The point of this conversation is…” If you cannot say it clearly, postpone the meeting.

2. Separate facts from stories

   Write three observations a camera would record. Push interpretations (“lazy”, “doesn’t care”) into questions you still need to ask.

3. Plan the first question

   After you open, silence is normal. Have one open question ready: “How do you see it?” or “What got in the way?”

4. Rehearse out loud

   Reading notes in your head is not practice. Say the opening line aloud - tone changes meaning as much as wording.

Use SBI for the opening

Situation–Behaviour–Impact (SBI) keeps feedback specific: describe the context, the behaviour you observed, and the effect on the team or work. It lowers defensiveness because you are not labelling character - you are describing impact.

Before you meet

• Pick one issue, not five
• Choose a private setting and enough time
• Decide what “good enough” outcome looks like
• Prepare how you will follow up in writing if needed

Related guides

• Giving constructive feedback to employees
• Performance review conversations
• Mediating team conflict

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